I want to do something like this.

I like travelling with my family. We've done it every year since I was 10 and my sister 8. And then real life and work took it's toll; no more December school holidays to look forward to. That's why I'm excited about this trip, even if it's just with my mum--it's been some time.

Travelling with my family is like travelling with an extended version of self. We share the same interests, get excited about the same things, enjoy the same types of tours--scenic, historial.. definitely not shopping. The shopping trips, beach-y relaxation holidays, day trips up to Malaysia, those short trips I leave for my sister and friends.

This is a little late, but an article in today's papers about Asia's most polluted rivers mentioned that the Baiji - the Yangtze River Dolphin was declared functionally extinct in Dec'06. If I didn't automatically try to shut out that fact, I would have sat there and cried buckets.

For all our intelligence as a species, we do the most harm to our environment. You'd think we'd be smarter.

Extinct: "no longer in existence; lost or especially having died out leaving no living representatives" (according to TheFreeDictionary). Think never, ever to be seen again. Think forever and irreplaceably lost.

"Despite the resolve to find a remant few baiji that still burns in our daily wrap up meetings, the knot of realization in our bellies, minds, and spirits that the baiji is effectively gone is now near undeniable." the Baiji Blog

I think I can see a little bit of my old self in me again. It's like peeking through lowered blinds--the scenery is still the same on the other side, just obscured, till now. It's been a strange feeling knowing you're you but not exactly you; much like viewing yourself from the outside.

It's been a long, tiring road, and I'd like to think I've come out on the other side scarred but stronger. I'm still me, cracks, faults and all, but hopefully, better. Things will never be the same, but when you're at the bottom, the only way you can go is up. True that I'm still somewhere on the lower rungs; True that the climb won't be an easy one, but up is up, and all that's required is one handhold and one foothold at a time, and Patience.

It still hurts some days. I still have all the letters, emails, and sms-es. I have not the courage yet to let them go. In time, one day, hopefully I will. For now, welcome back me. I've missed you.